Baby Steps for Growth

You know that feeling you get when your status or profile picture gets a bunch of likes and you feel good? 

As Rabbi Polstein told us on shabbos, every NCSYer can feel the squeeze. This weekend, I felt that “squeeze” more than anything. However, as nice as that was, I really saw so many other NCSYers receive this “squeeze” as well, in many inspiring and incredible ways. 

This year I wanted to start NCSY in a new manner. I truly hoped that by now I would be content with certain decisions I wanted to make, but there is still one struggle I find myself continuously going back and forth with. Most of this is because I didn't have the confidence.

I didn't know why I, personally, was the only one in my school to dress a certain way within my school. Of course, I tried. However, getting my outer exterior beaten down by so many people in one day was something that wasn't fun for me. 

But, I didn’t give up. 

I decided I would take it slow, babysteps, you know? Make it a little easier on myself. Though, through the passing time, I found myself in a stand-still. I wasn’t making any progress, and this killed me.

After kumzitz, two really special people spoke up about their personal experiences. How they managed and changed their lives through modesty...at a public school. 

After the second girl spoke, my mind began whirling with the struggle of knowing who I want to be, while not being sure how I could actually become that person.

Being so overwhelmed, I left the room and went outside searching for one of my fellow advisor role-models. In actuality, they found me. I told them how upset I was for not being the role model I wanted to be. How in ways, I felt inconsistent with my actions and how I wanted to change. I didn’t understand why I had to struggle so much and why that inner inspiration wouldn’t just come to me.

That advisor reassured me that struggle is not a problem, in ways, my struggling can help inspire others.  I guess as we conversed, I found that little bit of inspiration, that push that I needed to get me going again. 

If those two girls could do it, why can’t I? They were so inspiring. 

What I’ve learned and want to promote most from this Conclave is that patience is virtue. Sometimes, if you try so hard for something, and it never comes, you’ll start to neglect it. However, with some patience and positivity it may just come to you a with a little more ease. 

This NCSY was probably the most inspiring, heart breaking, and educational convention I have ever attended.  I, and all of NCSY, has truly been Inspired. 

Contest Submission #11